Coming back

It's been a while.

I've just needed a break from things ... especially "church" things. But I think I'm ready to come back -- not quite sure to what yet though, but I know to Whom (although I never left Him).

There was a time back in 1985 when I had finished two of years of Bible School (back in the dark ages according to my kids), that I felt like I needed a break then too. I had been busy with Bible School life, with ministry and deputation most weekends, and then in between my two years of Bible School, I went on a summer missions trip to Ireland and spent 8 weeks of my summer involved in ministry. In some ways I think I felt "ministried-out". I needed to absorb all the things I had learned and experienced and figure out what my own personal faith was all about, and needed to take a step back from things in order to accomplish that.

Over the last half year I've experienced a change again. We left the institutional church a number of years ago and then started a house church fellowship and about a half year ago, that house church fellowship kind of fell apart. I felt very insecure personally about everything that went on with respect to the demise of the group, as if the rest of the group blamed me. There hasn't been much contact with most of the group since that time which kind of reinforced my insecurities. Once again, I've needed to take a step back from things to re-evaluate and solidify my own personal faith, and also to give myself time for personal healing and forgiveness. I don't know if I'm ready to get back to anything organized - I'm still waiting on God to hear what He wants for me.

I'm currently reading a novel called "Chasing Francis" by Ian Morgan Cron. The author calls this genre of book "wisdom literature" because it is a "delicate balance of fiction and non-fiction, pilgrimage and teaching". It's about a pastor who begins to question his faith and then goes on his own personal pilgrimage in Italy following the life of Francis of Assisi. I'm enjoying the book ...

In some ways I feel like I am coming back and embarking on my own personal pilgrimage too.