Little house (church) on the prairie ...

I've been thinking a lot lately about our little house church group. We're part of a small group of Christ-followers that meets in each other's homes every week. My struggle lately has been with the disconnectedness that I feel and the lack of "community". We've always likened our group to being like a family, but I'm starting to feel like our gatherings are more social than spiritually uplifting. Anyway, one thing at a time ... community.

I was putting my thoughts down on paper the other day (my own manifesto?) and Eric asked me how I defined "community" and being "community oriented". That's a huge part of what I have always envisioned for our small group. What do I mean by community oriented? What does community look like to me? What do I want/expect/hope for living in community with others? I’m not sure I have adequate answers to these questions. Part of being community oriented to me means living in geographic proximity, and by that I don’t mean communal or living on the same street, but in a close neighbourhood. I have friends who all live on the same block of the same street and to me, these people exemplify community. Yes, they are “community” because they are neighbours and they live on the same block. But they are also living in community because they look after each other's kids, yards; they socialize together and have built relationships with each other – so much so that when one family was considering moving away, it was very difficult for others on the street to contemplate their leaving.

That speaks to me of community – being in close relationship with each other; friendships; supporting each other. As Christ-followers, that also means praying for each other and challenging each other in our daily walk with Jesus. I’m not always confident to ask others the tough questions (like Eric is) but neither is anyone asking me those hard questions either.

I come away from our gatherings feeling rather empty. Most times there has been litle spiritual input or encouragement. I want to be challenged and encouraged in my faith ... I also want that for my kids too. I know it means I need to bring something to the table every week too, and I certainly don't do my part there.

I'm just putting these thoughts out there. I feel fairly safe writing these things because most of the people in our small group don't read my blog anyway.

Farewell to Grade 6

Today was my son BJ's Grade 6 Farewell. They don't call it a "graduation" because that term is reserved for the event that happens at the end of Grade 12 (or I should say Senior 4). The elementary school gives the Grade 6 classes a nice little send off. BJ was voted by his classmates to represent them and give a speech at the Farewell today. For BJ, speaking in front of people is definitely not something he particularly enjoys and he is actually fairly shy and quiet (unbelievable, but true). He did really well today and we were so proud of him as he gave his speech. Way to go, BJ! On and upward to junior high. Congratulations and say Farewell to Grade 6!

Boyz 2 (Young) Men

Why is it that when I'm on the bus on the way to work or walking along somewhere I can think of great things to blog, and actually write the blog in my head, but as soon as I sit down at the computer my brain seems to turn to mush?!

Best part of my day yesterday ... It was the end of the day and I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen. My two youngest boys were already in bed and the two oldest boys came into the kitchen and just hung out with me. We stood in the kitchen (it's not a big kitchen) and just talked and joked with each other. My sons are growing up! They are becoming handsome, intelligent young men and exude their own individual personality and character.

That's happened a few times, where they've just "hung out" with me at the end of the day. I like it. Best part of my day.

Marathon "Men"

Today was Father's Day and for the 29th year, it was also the day of the Manitoba Marathon. Our history with the Marathon isn't nearly that long, but it feels like it is becoming a family tradition. Four years ago our oldest son Corey ran in the Super Run, which covers 2.6 miles. It was the first time he had run that distance and we thought he did very well. He certainly loves to run. I remember that it was hard that first year sending him off at the start line, all the while hoping he would know where to go and how to find his way to the finish line (typical "mother" fears). He found his way, and has found his way back there every year since.

The next year our second son, BJ also ran in the Super Run "with" Corey. Nobody really runs "with" Corey ... you just try and keep him in your sights! And last year our third son Nathan ran in the Super Run as well as Corey, BJ deciding to take the year off.

Today Corey, BJ and Nathan were all running. We sent them off at the start line and then walk the short distance to the finish line in the stadium at the University of Manitoba. I love watching the runners come in to the stadium; seeing them try and push themselves that last stretch, some of them racing with whatever finishing kick they have left. It's exciting and exhilarating. And when I see my sons come into the stadium and run that last stretch, I get tears in my eyes to see them running the race and doing it well.

I don't mean to wax philosophical here, but life is like that. It's a marathon race that we're running. Sometimes we hit the wall and have trouble moving forward; sometimes we just want to collapse and not go on; sometimes we hear someone cheering us on from the sidelines and we get re-energized to keep going. Run the race of life. Like it says in Hebrews 12 ... "Let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith ..."

Our youngest, Zackery, can hardly wait until next year when he'll run too. My hope is that next year I'll be out there to run with my boys too.

Happy Anniversary!

17 years ago today was the last day of my single life. On June 17, 1989, Eric and I were married. It's been a good 17 years; naturally there have been some rough seasons and many good times. I think it's safe to say that I have changed and grown (and not just in girth). I have learned a lot about being married; I have learned a lot about depression. I had no idea when we got married that Eric was suffering from major depressive disorder. Actually, at the time we got married, Eric had no real idea either. He knew he was depressed on occasion and sometimes for long periods of time, but it was a number of years before we eventually put a name to it. Major Depressive Disorder.

In our years of marriage, I've learned to recognize the signs of depression. I've learned what it means to love and to give of myself, even when it feels like it's not being reciprocated. I've learned the value of affirmation and how important it is that we affirm each other. I've learned the power of prayer and the importance of praying for my husband. I've learned that when I pray for more grace to live with him, God gives it freely and abundantly. I've learned that I'm a stronger person than I ever thought I was. I've learned that I still have more to learn!

And if Eric asked me to marry him all over again, my answer would still be "Yes!"

I love you, Eric! Happy 17th Anniversary.

Pet Peeve

I have a pet peeve, and contrary to the term "pet peeve", it's not a problem with pets. No, this pet peeve is more of a "people" peeve. My peeve is with people who, when gathered together in a group with other friends, begin to talk about certain events or people in front of the whole group, when not everybody in the group perhaps attended that same event or knows those same people. Case in point: Many years ago early on in our marriage, Eric and I regularly got together with another couple who are goods friends of ours and I love them dearly. But since Eric and this other couple knew the same people from Bible College and Seminary, they would often share news about these other people and I would have absolutely no idea who they were talking about! I felt very shut out of the conversation much of the time. I spoke to Eric about it at the time and he worked very hard not to allow that to happen and to ensure that I was included in the conversation.

This same thing has happened in our small house church group before, and again yesterday, and it bothers me. I find that kind of behaviour to be rude and exclusionary and if our goal as a small house church group is to be a "family" and care about each other, why do I go home feeling very uncared for? Largely because I have felt excluded ... like I don't really exist or matter. I'm sure this brings to the surface some of my own issues, but I'll deal with that another time.

So there. Got that off my chest. I'm sure there's more peeves coming though. Look out.

Words from a soccer mom

Right now my boys' soccer consumes so much of my time. I'm not coaching or anything as involved as that, just driving them to games and cheering from the sidelines. I did coach a few seasons when my two youngest boys were just starting out. I was fortunate to have a really great group of parents who were very supportive, encouraging and helpful.

A friend of mine is coaching his daughter's team and unfortunately has had a bad experience with the parents of one of the girls. I get so frustrated when I hear of how some parents can be so selfish and assinine! They demand that their child play more and some even sit there with stopwatches to make sure their child gets the playing time they feel he/she deserves! They make unreasonable demands on a coach who is simply volunteering his time and energy, trying to make it a positive experience for the kids and trying to help them learn a little bit more about how to play the game.

Perhaps every parent should be made to take a turn at coaching and then they would see that it's not as easy as they think. They sit there and watch their own child; a coach has 12-15 kids he/she is watching!

So get in the game, parents! Support your coaches!

Thoughts from the sidelines

Tonight I was at my youngest son's soccer game. Zackery is turning 8 this year. He played against a boy that he played indoor soccer with and this boy, Dylan, lost his mother to breast cancer in the last month. As I looked down the sideline at the group of parents, I recognized another father sitting with his little girl, his son also playing on the same team as Dylan. I recognized this man from the church that we used to attend, and had just seen his wife's obituary in the paper this past Saturday, which was also the day of her funeral.

I can't get my mind wrapped around what it must be like to anticipate to spend the rest of your life with someone, raising your young children, and then lose that person to some disease or illness; what it must be like to make certain life-shifts because now you are the primary care-giver and have no-one to share that role and responsibility with in the same way. My heart aches for these fathers who must now raise their young children alone.

It was good to see these kids who have lost their mothers playing and interacting with other kids with smiles on their faces. I'm sure there are times when they feel keenly the pain of their loss, but for an hour at a soccer game, they're just kids who like to run and play.

Life is busy ... I need a clone!!

It's been awhile since I've found time to sit down and write. I'm tired and I'd love to head off to bed, but I'm doing laundry and need to do something to stay awake until the next load is ready for the dryer.

Life is busy these days. Two boys play soccer Mondays and Wednesdays, one plays Tuesdays and Thursdays, the other one plays different days, but practices Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays. I feel like I'm being stretched in so many directions, and its my kids who are suffering for it. I have to pick and choose which game I go to see and which boy I will spend time with that evening. I need a clone! (Just joking.)

Happy Mother’s Day

I’m torn on this day. I’m torn between the joy and love that I get from my kids and from being a mother, and the sadness and the grieving that I still feel for the loss of my own mother. My mother passed away almost 4 years ago this July. But it’s days like this when mothers are celebrated, and on days like her birthday and certain anniversaries, that I miss her most.

I received a call today from a friend letting me know that the mother of a little boy that my youngest, Zackery, has played indoor soccer with the past two seasons, died this past week after battling breast cancer. Barely two months ago we were sitting together watching the boys play. Her hair was just starting to grow back in and get some length after the chemo treatments and it seemed like she was feeling well. Her little boy would always look up to see if she was watching him and if she noticed what he had accomplished on the field. She yelled encouragement and advice to him and loved to watch him play. What a good mother she was. My heart aches for that little boy and his younger sister who are now without their mother.

This is when I ask, “Why, God?” And there are no answers. Just a heavy heart and prayers for solace and comfort.

Wedding Lollapalooza

This past weekend was our big “Wedding Lollapalooza”. The daughter of my cousin was married Saturday afternoon and the daughter of good friends was married Sunday afternoon. Both weddings were quite simple and beautiful, and each was distinctive of who the bride and groom were. Congratulations again to Kris & Lindsay and Dan & Tiffany!

Eric had arranged to be home for the weekend and he actually came along to both weddings. For Eric, this was quite something. He has never really enjoyed weddings – I’m lucky enough that he actually showed up to ours! I’m sure his preference when we got married would have been to simply elope!

Weddings are a reflective time for me. I think back on my own wedding ceremony and, although I enjoyed it and felt it was well thought out and characterized Eric and I as a couple, if I were to do it all again, I’m sure I would do things differently.

But the wedding day is only that … just a day. It’s the day that the bride (and groom?) plan and prepare for months in advance. But what is really important comes right after the wedding day (no, not the “consummation”!), I’m talking about the work of the marriage. And marriage is work. And it is also well worth the effort.

I knew before I even met Eric, as I anticipated our first blind date, that he was the one for me. I can’t explain it – only that God put him in my heart. And since God put him in my heart from the first, commitment to Eric has always been a bit of a no-brainer for me. Our married life hasn’t always been easy, but I have never questioned or doubted my commitment to Eric.

Almost 17 years of marriage and I still have the index card that I wrote out my wedding vows on:

“Eric, I love you. God has led you to be part of my life and I cherish you as a gift from Him. Today I am covenanting before God to be your wife and I do so with great joy. As your wife and your best friend I covenant to support you in all your endeavours and to minister to the needs of your body, heart and spirit. I realize that I am incapable of loving you on my own strength, and that it is only because of the love of Jesus in me that I am able to love you. It is my desire to love you as God would enable me and I am trusting Him that my love for you will grow richer, fuller and more complete each day of our lives. You have touched my life in a way no person has before and you have encouraged me to be the person God made me to be. I want to encourage you to be all that God designed you to be; I believe in you and I trust you. Wherever He leads, I will follow together with you. I love
you.”

The face of Jesus

I received a cool email at work today containing some really neat optical illusions. But the best one, and the one my kids liked the best, was this one. Click on it and try it.

http://www.eyetricks.com/jesus.htm

The image that you see after staring at the black dots is the face of Jesus.

I wish it were that easy to see His face in every other aspect of my life. Maybe I just need to concentrate and look a little harder. There are times I do see Jesus in my kids and they way they treat each other (on a good day!); I see Jesus in my husband when he is so attentive to me or one of the boys. I hope others can see Jesus in me.

God is good ... all the time!

I spent some time talking on the phone this morning with a friend of mine. This friend has quite a story and for the past couple of years that I have known her, it has seemed to me that she has had more than her share of tough times. She is a testimony to me of God's faithfulness and goodness. She has done her share of duking it out with God, but has also stayed faithful to Him through all the things that life has dealt her. And He is proving faithful to her. In the past couple of weeks a number of things have happened in her life that have the thumbprint of God -- His goodness, His faithfulness and His love for her. She is an encouragement to me. I can join with her and say "God is good ... all the time!"

Soccer starts in May, and so does the rain!

It's here. I'm not referring to the spring rain that's falling, but rather to the outdoor soccer season, although those two occurrences seem to be synonymous here in Winnipeg. "April showers bring May flowers" doesn't quite work -- it's more like "Soccer starts in May, and so does the rain!"

With 4 boys playing soccer on 4 different teams, that means 4 different schedules to keep track of, and sometimes needing to be in 2 or more places at once. It becomes a bit of a challenge, especially when Eric is on the road so much. I appreciate so much the willingness of others to drive my kids to and from games as I need extra help.

I wonder sometimes how I can keep up the hectic pace for 2 months, but somehow I do. And I have to be honest and admit that I enjoy watching my kids play soccer and interacting with their teammates and friends. I also enjoy spending an hour or so with these other parents that through the course of the season (and sometimes many previous) have become my friends.

Good-bye Golden Girl

My indoor soccer team is named the "Golden Girls". Obviously not because we're the "winningest" team, although we do fairly well. Moreso because the average age on our team is probably around 48. Since December/January it was discovered that one of my teammates, Laurie, had cancer. This past Thursday, Laurie lost her battle with cancer and passed away.

She started the indoor soccer season with us in fall, coming out to practices and I think even played a game or two. It's hard to believe that in the space of 5 months, she's gone. She was only 45. I didn't know Laurie very well -- only interacted with her during practices and games, but I liked her very much. Laurie had spunk and a lot of energy. She had a real joy for the game and enjoyed her teammates. She will be missed by all of us.

My sense of adventure

My husband has sometimes said of me (and this line he borrowed from someone else), "Lisa's idea of an adventure is having coffee on the deck." I think I'm much more adventurous than that. Sometimes I have my chair on the grass and only have my feet on the deck!

One of my favourite things ...

One of my most absolute favourite things to do is sit outside on a sunny day and read a good book. For me, that's the epitome of relaxation. My kids already know the drill ... "Don't bug Mom. She's reading." There's something about sitting outside in a comfortable lawn chair, with the warm sun beating down and getting lost in a story of someone else's making that is very appealing to me. I will actually schedule my daily agenda to fit in these little "getaways".

My favourite authors? I just finished reading "House" by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker. Good book! I'll read just about anything by Ted Dekker, Karen Kingsbury, Francine Rivers, Lynn Austin ... just to name a few.

The Joys of Chocolate

So I finally started exercising again. A couple of years ago I was doing really well and was fairly disciplined with doing my weekly workouts. I think it's a fair assessment to say that I lack self-discipline when it comes to exercising. The spirit is usually willing, but as the saying goes, the flesh is weak ... or too sore to do it another day. I've actually managed to do these new workouts for 3 weeks now, which means getting up extra early on the days I go to work ... so why am I gaining weight instead of losing it? Oh right, muscle weighs more than fat. Yeah. Keep thinkin' that way! I think it has more to do with the fact that I still eat just as much chocolate as I ever have!

Ah, the joys of chocolate. I love it -- too much, really. I have a magnet on my fridge door that sums up my sentiments: "I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter!" Chocolate is my comfort food, if you can call it that even. About 8 years ago I was diagnosed as having celiac disease, which basically means that gluten (a wheat protein) is harmful to my intestines. I was asymptomatic when I was diagnosed but decided to start on the life-long discipline of adhering to a gluten-free diet. (There's that "discipline" word again!) I found it really hard to cut out some of the wheat products that I now couldn't have and to compensate, I turned to chocolate. It didn't help that I was 5 months pregnant at the time and pregnancy/hormones can make you do strange things. I ate so much chocolate -- it's a wonder I still enjoy the stuff. Eating chocolate may be the only thing that I'm really disciplined about!

So I guess my dilemma here is that I want to lose some weight and get into better shape without giving up the chocolate. Any suggestions??

Bandaids ...

This afternoon my youngest son, Zackery, came in with a scrape on his arm after falling off his bike. We went to the bathroom and cleaned it up – it’s amazing what a little Polysporin and a couple of bandaids will do for the healing process.

But at some point our kids grow up and they realize that the “bandaid” just doesn’t cut it anymore. A bandaid typically isn’t a pain reliever – it just sits on top of the wound to protect it and hopefully keep the wound clean until it can heal. When our kids are hurting emotionally, that “bandaid” might be our love, our prayers, our best intentions, or it might be a change in surroundings, a change in friends, limitations on privileges …

So how do I, as a mother, help my kids learn to cope with the pain of life? Because face it, LIFE ISN’T FAIR. We’re all going to get hurt, get a raw deal, get the short end of the stick, at some point in our lives.

The “Christian” answer to that is to pray for them and love them and blah, blah, blah. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a good answer and I want to pray for them and love them. But how do I practically point them to Jesus in the midst of their pain? Maybe I don’t. Maybe that’s the work and power of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Maybe all I do is pray, and love, and be there to hug them and hold them when they need to feel arms around them, and trust that Jesus loves them more than I ever could.

Words of Wisdom?

This weekend I had two wedding showers to attend ... both the same evening. I think the last wedding shower I went to was in 1998, so it's been awhile. You know you're getting older when the bride is the daughter of a friend.

At the one shower, we were to write down words of advice to the bride. I arrived late to this shower (it was the second one of the evening) and so my piece of advice never got written down. I did spend some time thinking about what on earth I would write. What advice could I give?

Eric and I have been married almost 17 years -- we were introduced by a couple of friends on a blind date. Before I even met him, I had a very strong sense that this was the last man I was going to date; this was the one. I can only credit that to God. So here's my Top 10 List of Things to Remember as a Wife:

1o. Flirting is OK. Actually, flirting is a great tool to keeping romance alive!

9. You'll do a lot of things together as a couple, but take time to do things for yourself as well. It's important that you maintain friendships with your "girlfriends". They're a huge support system.

8. Laugh a lot. Inside jokes are great. Not a year goes by at daylight savings time that Eric doesn't say "Gee, it's 10:00? It only feels like 9:00". It wouldn't be daylight savings without that little joke.

7. Sometimes you need to give up your agenda. I'm incredibly agenda-driven and that was fine when I was single, but when there is someone else to consider, there have to be concessions and some give and take.

6. Be mindful of your husband's needs. Serve him. That doesn't mean wait on him hand and foot and be at his beck and call for every whim. It means consider what he needs and how you can best minister to those needs. Be the hands and feet of Jesus to your husband.

5. Be a good listener. Be patient and ready to really hear everything he says, and doesn't say, for that matter. And then once you've heard his heart, pursue him to let him know that you've listened, and that you still love him.

4. Pray for him. If the prayer of a righteous man availeth much, just think what the prayer of a righteous wife can do!

3. Extend him grace. When he pisses you off and when there are days that you just can't stand him or don't know what to do with him, extend him grace. And if you're not sure you have any grace for him, ask Jesus to give more to you. He gives it freely and abundantly.

2. Be best friends.

1. Love as best as you know how. I am only able to love my husband because Jesus loves me. Tell him often -- in words and in your actions.